Not many people think they have them, and even if they do, they feel like sometimes that existence is gone and it won't matter what they do next. The thing is, it does. Pastor D shared something a while ago that I never forgot and actually have shared recently "Theres no such thing as stupid mistakes...just unwise desicions". Now with that said im gonna explain a little bit about at least how I interpret that.
Many, like myself live on a routine at least when it comes with the morning time. You need to have certain things done by a certain time that way you can get things accomplished at the time designated. Say you wake up at 7am, you need to take a shower and be done by 7:30, and be out the door by 8. Even simplier than that, say you have a free minute or 2 and your contemplating calling someone you'd like to talk to, but being your day could be going so well you don't want to risk messing that up being you don't know how their day is. You always have a choice in what you decide to do.
Lately things tend to be a mirror of situations I went through a year ago. Things resurfacing that I knew would come back eventually just not reflecting what it once was. Especially the easy things like living where I am. Being im the youngest and am on the go literally all the time...if I mess up its just like living at home again. A note or something just out of context is posted about whats "more convienent" for others. Well natuarally I just laughed being its one of the stupidest things I've ever seen, then I got distracted for a second and thought of replying back, but really whats the point. When people would like to act like a adult with me, then the issue can be discussed and come to some resolution...the fact remains I can't guarentee these things might not happen again....i can just apoligize for what I did even if its the SIMPLEST thing in the world lol and leave it at that.
People in your life or better yet those that where once in your life can be one of the biggest distractions you face. Honestly I take it on a daily basis. Those that really know me, know that im not stupid and know too well what its like when I get emotionally attached. Honestly its not worth risking everything again just so I can re-set myself back in a position where I already know the outcome. Get this and always remember....if people don't change, the outcome will almost more than likely stay the same. I realized when rock climbing on saturday. The day was going pretty well, i would do a course, then Kris, and we pretty much where stayin up with each others pace. Well i wanted to go up a level and try to break out of the constant routine we have been working on. This one path though I just could NOT get up. I eventually gave up which honestly I can't stand to but I was so drained I had to. Kris went up...had some trouble but overall got through it. We went got some water and I tried again. Now this time I wasnt even getting as far as I once did. I scratched up my arm and got a nice brush wound on my knee haha....but I just couldn't see myself gettin back up. So I'm standing on this rock thats like a pebble, if you've ever been to the gym you know how small they could be! Well hes holding on to the rope and no matter how much I wanted to get down he wouldn't let me until I finshed this path. After a few minutes of me having a little chat with God while clinched to this wall and some inspiration from the beastie boys cd playing I finally started to figure out a different way of going about it. Kris's arm length is longer than mine so for the hard part I had to see something differently. Needless to say I got to the top and i was BEAT!
It reminded me though that no matter how I may face the same situation over and over, I know my faith will always hold me up and theres always another route than the one previously taken. You don't have to get hurt if you don't want to, just make a wiser decision. I was watching Titanic last nite up at my parents house because it was on NBC and I realized a lot. I never liked that movie at all when it came out or even growing up. In the last year or 2 I've grown fond of it because I actually understand what they're talking about more with the characters. *jack* plain asked *rose* straight out if she loved the guy she was going to marry *cal* and she couldnt answer the question straight out...in fact she never did. She was doing it because of the pressures she faced from not only her mother but those around her because of her stature. The fact was she fell in love with someone who was totally different from her, and it actually made her HAPPY, she didn't chose to love him, she just fell into it. She was being molded into what everyone wanted her to become but she had a different view of what she wanted for herself. She made a choice to follow her heart instead of her head. What are the things you force yourself to think about and move on when really you know you desire something else, but because of the pressure you face you just adjust and put on *the happy face* for the rest of the world when really your killing yourself more than anything.
My relationship with God has made me see things a lot in the last few months, im not dependant on people and things just like i used to be, i base my decisions on what I would like to see come to pass instead of feeling in a jam all the time...but more importantly I know the right choices I make pleases God and thats really all I need. He accepts me reguardless of what path I decide to go down...but when u make the honest decision boy does it make life a LOT more easier. No confusion, or stress, my moves are made on the clear view of what I actually see in front of me, and the wisdom thats taught me so much helps me mature more into the person I am daily. I'm finally comfortable with the choices I make and the life I live. No regrets.
