With my birthday being tomorrow, I look back today and really realize where life is and wonder how in the world I made it this far? Some may be wondering exactly what in the world this "child" may be talking about, but really after all the things I've said, done, and gone through...sometimes it just more amazing than I would like to realize sometimes. Today would've been Dimon's 21st birthday, my sister is 1 year away from graduatings HS (this boggles me the most haha), michelle is having her first baby (and yes it will come out lol :), me and Daphma just started looking for apartment stuff this past weekend, more new people keep comin to check out church!, my youngest sister is 14, im finally going to the west coast next week, lindsey still hasnt beat up anyone at work LOL...its just one of those years where you look back for a second and your completly floored for a moment.
Tomorrow is the day I legally turn 21, we started celebrating me bday 2 weekends ago :) I can legally drink, smoke, rent a car in Nevada lol. I've already had a puff from a cig, a drink (strawberry daq), so its time to rent the car LOL. The license needs to get updated, and whatever picture comes out this time I'll have till I turn 25! Are they aiming us to have these moments all the time ;) For me, it's kinda nice to have something I wasn't allowed to do, but now there's no holds barred. I can still look fwd to 25 being then I can finally rent a car from enterprise in PA with no extra charges haha. Hey its a start :)
Turning 18, I scratched my esophugus (or however the correct spelling shall be!) so therefore those first 2 weeks of Dec where pretty memorable being I couldn't eat much. For 19, I had some people come over my parents house and needless to say I'm not much of a party thrower lol. 20, I had a party up at Minister Dietra's house with siesie, marcel, minister d, and mama brown. Small but probably the best birthday I've had in a few years. Of course next this this years! Being last years event was turned out well, we are going to do it again this year. Except just more people! So for my 21'st bday it will hold a small bible study and then a shindig party afterwards. Some people may think being im not getting "trashed" that its pretty uneventful, but honestly I would rather remember it the way I am then not knowing what happened when.
People keep asking what it is that I want for my bday....well cash for the new place would be lovely...or any free gift is widely accepted, but for the more moral answer & what I would appreciate more is the same as last years...your time. Money can be thrown in a card, gift can be wrapped and dropped off, but when you actually have to make adjustments in your schedule or can just come up, means a lot. When someone puts effort or believes in something i'm doing is not only encouraging...but really is that extra foot in the back that keeps me out there getting to know new people like them.
As I said before, during my reflection time...I would be lying if I said I wasn't thinking about Dimon more so now this time of year. Honestly its something you can ever just stop thinking about, nor would want to. This year though I'm focusing more on the effect he had on me here rather than how I was after he left. With God's help the pain has decreased over the past 4 years, but I still miss him a lot. There's nothing that can change that. So I just watch the one video I have of him and sit back and laugh for moments on end. Some people don't know what the feeling is like when you lose someone your extremely close with, and I'm glad because its the worst feeling in the world especially only being 17. But that time will come, and when it does I hope they understand more than I ever did.
A few of us where talking I believe it was last week about funerals or something like that for only a minute or 2 because of an email that was sent out. It said something to the affect of "Everyone was smiling when you where born, you where crying.....at your death you'll be smiling and everyone else crying." It was something along those lines, but I just sat back and was like WOW. I told them that at my funeral I want it to be like church, all partyin and having a good time. Granted I know the reality of it, but I would rather have someone from my church hold something fun rather than a "remember me" mass. I know where I'm headed and im not upset by any means of it. I'm put here to do the things that God desires me to do and experience. When that time is up, I hope like Dimon, there are many people that think back to things that I've done or said that really makes them think and wonder about God. At church we laugh, joke around, have a good time to say the least, but ultimatly come together and stick by each other. Which really is what church should be.
So for those that wanna know what I really want for my bday? It's for you to come check out my bday shindig at bible study, or/and check out church this sunday. I took the day off from my camera lol, so I don't have to be there till 11am. So lemme know if you would like to go and check something new out for the day. Like I said before if you would like to help out with the new apartment instead thats fine, but if you made an effort to come check out something that normally you wouldn't...that means a lot more than anything you could get me from a store. My greatest lesson learned it tomorrow is never guarenteed whether your 1 day old or 100.
------------------------------------
"Whats your name?"
"Dimon Brown"
"And what department are you from"
"Computer Programming"
"What do you guys do in there?"
"We program computers :) haha"
--Always Rememberin D--
November 30, 1983 - December 8th, 2000
November 30, 2004
November 18, 2004
God can you hear me?
Every wednesday night I have a bible study meeting that I go to from my church. Last night though on the ride home from work I just had this feeling that I wasn't supposed to go this week by myself. So i made a phone call to who I thought it could be, and after I did the feeling still didn't leave. No reply back from them. I got home and told God straight up "I know your voice, and I know what your telling me so I don't wanna play a guessing game, I just can't hear clear who". So I got online really not even thinkin about it, and started talkin to my friend Greg who goes to my church but has been away because of work for a while. Now bible study starts at 7:30, so I like to leave around 6:45 so I can get there early and talk with everyone. Well 6:45 came, the feeling is still there, and no one is really clickin with me still to ask. So once again me and God have another moment LOL: "OK you have my attention lol, I know theres supposed to be someone, so by 7pm I know who they are, they agree and im on my way to get em" I knew I was supposed to ask 3 people, the 1st one maybe just needed to be reminded that the option is always there, but here in 15 min im supposed to ask 2 more people when no one is really coming online? I knew though that things would work out like they always do.
6:49 Daphma comes online. Without waiting a second, I ask her what shes doin. There was no need to try and convince her to come, or even moment of discouragement, she said ok & agreed to come check it out. I LOVE bible study & Church and when I can bring someone to experience whats really out there, its just the best feeling. It's kinda like writing things like this out, and knowing someone may read it and get something out of it that they never where expecting. I used to ask people ALL the time if they wanted to come to church with me, and wether it be about the reasons they have now, or from past experiences most people tend to decline. There are those that are willing to give it a chance no matter if they already have something that they believe or if they don't. To those that decline, lemme just ask one thing "If you have something, and you really believe in it and trust it, then if you went somewhere to *humor* someone at the least extent, are you really scared what you have really isn't what is meant for you? Correct me if I'm wrong but if you stand strong in something and that's meant for you no matter where you go nothing can change that unless it's supposed to. But I'll just go along with it just to *humor* ya'll lol.
Daphma and myself have had the most interesting friendship that I've ever had with anyone lol. When you click with someone with not just "the reg stuff" such as what your favorite things are, but on a deeper respect such as you both believe in the same thing, and the same values...then that just takes it so much deeper. Now she has her story about what happened yesterday, and it wasn't a shot in the dark that I asked her either. It was meant to happen. She got to see, like I wish many of my friends would, how church really should be, and how its different from anything else most of us have experienced. The people are unbelievably nice, open to anything you might have to say, and want to see you succeed in what God has planned out for you. It's really something you can't debate about unless you check it out. Even if it's not for you, then you still get a new outlook that church doesnt have to be this bad place if your not a weekly member or someone with authority. The fact is, the second you come to my church wether you go once or attend weekly, your still gonna get hit with that love that comes out so naturally its eye-opening. You can't fake something like that, theres no gossip, and we all genuinually care about each other. Wether it be church, or even bible study you can still see it so clearly. We don't have to be someone we're not to try and please someone, you come as you are, and thats really why I love it as much as I do.
I'm open to a friendship no matter how it comes, but know with that comes faith. I know when theres somoeone I'm supposed to affect even if its by me doing nothing that what I regularly do. But those that are hurting from whatever reason, just know that I know and I won't pry. If you want to open up you can and i'm always around no matter if your someone I used to be friends with, am friends with now, never met except for that day, or someone I even work with and see all the time. There's a reason why we meet the people we do, just like there was a reason Daphma was the one that was supposed to come with me to bible study. When God wants you to hear something and you for some reason aren't getting it from him, he ALWAYS finds another way for you to get the message.
(BTW the 3rd person I asked was Greg to see if he was coming but he was still at work lol)
6:49 Daphma comes online. Without waiting a second, I ask her what shes doin. There was no need to try and convince her to come, or even moment of discouragement, she said ok & agreed to come check it out. I LOVE bible study & Church and when I can bring someone to experience whats really out there, its just the best feeling. It's kinda like writing things like this out, and knowing someone may read it and get something out of it that they never where expecting. I used to ask people ALL the time if they wanted to come to church with me, and wether it be about the reasons they have now, or from past experiences most people tend to decline. There are those that are willing to give it a chance no matter if they already have something that they believe or if they don't. To those that decline, lemme just ask one thing "If you have something, and you really believe in it and trust it, then if you went somewhere to *humor* someone at the least extent, are you really scared what you have really isn't what is meant for you? Correct me if I'm wrong but if you stand strong in something and that's meant for you no matter where you go nothing can change that unless it's supposed to. But I'll just go along with it just to *humor* ya'll lol.
Daphma and myself have had the most interesting friendship that I've ever had with anyone lol. When you click with someone with not just "the reg stuff" such as what your favorite things are, but on a deeper respect such as you both believe in the same thing, and the same values...then that just takes it so much deeper. Now she has her story about what happened yesterday, and it wasn't a shot in the dark that I asked her either. It was meant to happen. She got to see, like I wish many of my friends would, how church really should be, and how its different from anything else most of us have experienced. The people are unbelievably nice, open to anything you might have to say, and want to see you succeed in what God has planned out for you. It's really something you can't debate about unless you check it out. Even if it's not for you, then you still get a new outlook that church doesnt have to be this bad place if your not a weekly member or someone with authority. The fact is, the second you come to my church wether you go once or attend weekly, your still gonna get hit with that love that comes out so naturally its eye-opening. You can't fake something like that, theres no gossip, and we all genuinually care about each other. Wether it be church, or even bible study you can still see it so clearly. We don't have to be someone we're not to try and please someone, you come as you are, and thats really why I love it as much as I do.
I'm open to a friendship no matter how it comes, but know with that comes faith. I know when theres somoeone I'm supposed to affect even if its by me doing nothing that what I regularly do. But those that are hurting from whatever reason, just know that I know and I won't pry. If you want to open up you can and i'm always around no matter if your someone I used to be friends with, am friends with now, never met except for that day, or someone I even work with and see all the time. There's a reason why we meet the people we do, just like there was a reason Daphma was the one that was supposed to come with me to bible study. When God wants you to hear something and you for some reason aren't getting it from him, he ALWAYS finds another way for you to get the message.
(BTW the 3rd person I asked was Greg to see if he was coming but he was still at work lol)
November 12, 2004
Joan Of Arcadia
Since last year i've been caught on watching this friday night show called Joan Of Arcadia. Its one of the shows that I actually aim to watch especially since its on at the end of the week. What it is, its about a girl going through High School, who interacts with God pretty much on a daily basis. Now God can be a person at any given time on the show, it changes from week to week, but they always challenge her reguardless. At the end of last season (which was their 1st year on the air) they put "Joan" on pills and basically had her see a shrink because her family and friends thought she was going nuts. Since that incident the mother reached out for some sort of reasoning for life, but thats pretty much it.
Tonights episode was about "Joan" and her boyfriend "Adam"s first date. They where one of those couples that where friends for a long while and eventually things changed over. Well this episode was to explore their first BIG date. To back up a little bit, theirs been an actress on the show by the name of Sprague Grayden who plays "Judith". She met "Joan" at this program which they attended over the summer and from there shes had a few really good spots on the show. Well since becoming the best friend, she helped "Joan and Adam" each out to make the night go smoother. The date went as planned, in fact "Judith" called "Joan" in the middle of it just to bust their chops lol. Needless to say the phone call was short, but the storyline only got more real. The date ended but they found out that "judith" was involved in a stabbing and that things where serious. The hospital scene was prob about 10 minutes or so.
What I like about this show is that there is always some message to be seen. At the start of the show, Judith tried to teach Joan how to juggle. An inbetween they would show her attempting to do this. Well in the hospital room Judith asked Joan to juggle for her to see if she could really could do it. She did it, and then she wounds up losing her friend. The way they did it, really was deep, i dont know if many people really kept attention to it after realizing this young girl lost her friend. The deep part was though that after persistence this girl who actually wanted to live now and overcome her past taught her friend something she never knew how to do, and she died in peace about it.
Now granted this is a show, and yes i know their all actors and such....the thing is though that the way its done and put together is pretty real. If you've lost someone at a young age, which doesnt seem to be far and few between which is sad, you can really relate, at least to this episode. Maybe not to all of it, but to the guilt part that the friends started to go over and over in their heads. The moral linking though was that everyone is crossing a bridge, and in order to get across you sometimes need to juggle your emotions with the given situation. Bad choices, Good Ones, Bad Friends, Good Ones, Light and Dark....theres always a decision that needs to be made. What people dont know is is that the decisions you make you inevitably end or prolong your life longer.
They touch on a lot of topics for instance "joan"s brother is in a wheelchair because of the fact his friend that drove drunk one night after the party crashed his car...and needless to say thats what happened. Another issue was alcoholism, drug use, the decision of to follow your mind or what you trust, how to stand your ground if no one believes in you.....things like that. It's honestly something I think everyone should honestly catch sometime if they have a chance. It's one of those shows that isn't hard to catch up on if you pay attention. Once again I would like to Thank CBS for taking a huge leap of faith on this show because without it, many people wouldn't be having their questions and thoughts outlined on national tv. Questions are being answered and real issues are being faced. No more of this whos sleepin with who and what looks better with these shoes. I'm just hopeful the continuation of this show is long to come!
Tonights episode was about "Joan" and her boyfriend "Adam"s first date. They where one of those couples that where friends for a long while and eventually things changed over. Well this episode was to explore their first BIG date. To back up a little bit, theirs been an actress on the show by the name of Sprague Grayden who plays "Judith". She met "Joan" at this program which they attended over the summer and from there shes had a few really good spots on the show. Well since becoming the best friend, she helped "Joan and Adam" each out to make the night go smoother. The date went as planned, in fact "Judith" called "Joan" in the middle of it just to bust their chops lol. Needless to say the phone call was short, but the storyline only got more real. The date ended but they found out that "judith" was involved in a stabbing and that things where serious. The hospital scene was prob about 10 minutes or so.
What I like about this show is that there is always some message to be seen. At the start of the show, Judith tried to teach Joan how to juggle. An inbetween they would show her attempting to do this. Well in the hospital room Judith asked Joan to juggle for her to see if she could really could do it. She did it, and then she wounds up losing her friend. The way they did it, really was deep, i dont know if many people really kept attention to it after realizing this young girl lost her friend. The deep part was though that after persistence this girl who actually wanted to live now and overcome her past taught her friend something she never knew how to do, and she died in peace about it.
Now granted this is a show, and yes i know their all actors and such....the thing is though that the way its done and put together is pretty real. If you've lost someone at a young age, which doesnt seem to be far and few between which is sad, you can really relate, at least to this episode. Maybe not to all of it, but to the guilt part that the friends started to go over and over in their heads. The moral linking though was that everyone is crossing a bridge, and in order to get across you sometimes need to juggle your emotions with the given situation. Bad choices, Good Ones, Bad Friends, Good Ones, Light and Dark....theres always a decision that needs to be made. What people dont know is is that the decisions you make you inevitably end or prolong your life longer.
They touch on a lot of topics for instance "joan"s brother is in a wheelchair because of the fact his friend that drove drunk one night after the party crashed his car...and needless to say thats what happened. Another issue was alcoholism, drug use, the decision of to follow your mind or what you trust, how to stand your ground if no one believes in you.....things like that. It's honestly something I think everyone should honestly catch sometime if they have a chance. It's one of those shows that isn't hard to catch up on if you pay attention. Once again I would like to Thank CBS for taking a huge leap of faith on this show because without it, many people wouldn't be having their questions and thoughts outlined on national tv. Questions are being answered and real issues are being faced. No more of this whos sleepin with who and what looks better with these shoes. I'm just hopeful the continuation of this show is long to come!
November 09, 2004
Taking a leap...
I should come up with a course "The things they never taught you how to do growing up" lol. It's happened once again, and you think by this point I really wouldn't be amazed with how God works in my life...but really I am, everyday. Lemme get to my story.
Work went amazingly quick and with minimual situations, so therefore I was pretty pleased. I came to remember that my dad's birthday is wednesday, but I had bible study. So I spoke with my mom and she just told me to come up to the house last night and have dinner being everyone would be at the house. For those that aren't aware my grandmother passed away, a year ago today, and being its the day before my dad's birthday now we're kinda feeling out how its gonna play a part. Really it shouldn't but even I know that no matter how hard I pray anniversary's of things still are sticking out in my mind.
So I went up to their house, and not even 2 minutes in the door my little sister comes running up to me explainin that someone I used to work with at my last job was looking to get back into contact with me. My family has a thing to of giving out my cell phone number without me knowing, don't ask me why, but being them they just do. To get deeper, it turns out that this girl bought a house in the same neighborhood and really wasn't that far away. So after dinner and yet another evening of listening to Bill Maher or however you spell his name, I decided I had to get going. If i can make it out of that house without one argument then its pretty much a shock ESPECIALLY if my whole family is there! Thats how different we all grew to be. I'm the "radical christian" in my brothers eyes lol. Oh well! I didn't know believing in something is now seen as radical, but what can ya do...i'll pray for ya man ;) lol.
So after I left I decided to go down to the good ol' crossings outlets. I decided that if there was anyone giving out my info to anyone I used to talk with its gonna be me. So I sucked up whatever I had in me and headed inside the store. Things ended really bad with her, the way I saw things being done was I was blamed for her marriage not working out. Apparently I come to find that that wasn't even a reason but I said some things that I shouldn't of said especially being a baby christian at the time. In my eyes then I always tried to make relationships work out, especially a marriage, but there was just too much that had happened (that i had nothing to do with lol) that it really was time to move on. So after an infamous fight we stopped talking about 2 years ago.
We talked for prob a good 30-45 min and caught up on a lot. I won't go into whats happened throughout her life, but its just amazing how much time has gone past. She didn't even know the house she bought was near my parents, and my mom went into the store a few night ago to pick up a few things. At my old job, being I started working there a month after Dimon died in January 2001, I litterally went through the hardest part of my life with these people. So we always used to talk about what I would do on my *21'st bday* lol. Being me and her also share the same bday, I guess thats what got her thinking again being it is coming up really soon.
A lot of people from my past have been coming back lately, ever since seeing Jasmine at church, everyday I think is "welcome to Kelly's life, how did your friendship break apart" :) It's just great though no matter how big or small these relationships where to me, God still gives me a chance to mend them. Some people hold on to the hurt of the past, like I used to too well...but what's the point? Life is too short to do that. I know theres one teacher I need to stop running from and apoligize to. My mind would like to tell me that she isn't owed an apology, you know those situations? But I know its the right thing to do, so I just need to do it already. If I could apologize to Mrs. Laughna I can apologize to anyone lol!
Theres no point in staying mad at people, and if you do reconcile with someone, that doesn't mean you need to pick up the peices right where you left off. Maybe you where just put there to mend the situation, but if you can rebuild something off of that then be really proud. This girl told me that im still the same person I used to be, personality wise, which honestly I am glad about. If anything is gonna stay the same i'm glad its that. I told her about the adventures with all the people I've had the chance to meet and she said something that stuck.
"You never give up thats why things happen". I never really thought about it like that. I kinda just see everything as possible, so therefore there has to be a way for things to work out. I gave up on giving up. That took away too much time and life away, so I just do what I'm lead to do. Taking the chance even if the jump looks to be impossible. I've had way too many experiences to show me otherwise.
I gotta wrap this up being its time to get ready for work!, but if you want something bad enough, or want to clear up a situation that may seem "impossible" to fix just wait till the right time. You'll know when the right time is, because they'll happen to run into your family and they will in turn give out your cell phone number HAHA! But really a feeling just comes over you to contact that person that maybe you never thought of again, so just pray about it and go from there. Because of my grandmothers death, I got a chance to rebuild bridges with my family that I hardly ever saw growing up, and I got a cousin back out of the deal. Things work out for a reason. Just stop trying to figure out what that reason is, and just trust it.
Work went amazingly quick and with minimual situations, so therefore I was pretty pleased. I came to remember that my dad's birthday is wednesday, but I had bible study. So I spoke with my mom and she just told me to come up to the house last night and have dinner being everyone would be at the house. For those that aren't aware my grandmother passed away, a year ago today, and being its the day before my dad's birthday now we're kinda feeling out how its gonna play a part. Really it shouldn't but even I know that no matter how hard I pray anniversary's of things still are sticking out in my mind.
So I went up to their house, and not even 2 minutes in the door my little sister comes running up to me explainin that someone I used to work with at my last job was looking to get back into contact with me. My family has a thing to of giving out my cell phone number without me knowing, don't ask me why, but being them they just do. To get deeper, it turns out that this girl bought a house in the same neighborhood and really wasn't that far away. So after dinner and yet another evening of listening to Bill Maher or however you spell his name, I decided I had to get going. If i can make it out of that house without one argument then its pretty much a shock ESPECIALLY if my whole family is there! Thats how different we all grew to be. I'm the "radical christian" in my brothers eyes lol. Oh well! I didn't know believing in something is now seen as radical, but what can ya do...i'll pray for ya man ;) lol.
So after I left I decided to go down to the good ol' crossings outlets. I decided that if there was anyone giving out my info to anyone I used to talk with its gonna be me. So I sucked up whatever I had in me and headed inside the store. Things ended really bad with her, the way I saw things being done was I was blamed for her marriage not working out. Apparently I come to find that that wasn't even a reason but I said some things that I shouldn't of said especially being a baby christian at the time. In my eyes then I always tried to make relationships work out, especially a marriage, but there was just too much that had happened (that i had nothing to do with lol) that it really was time to move on. So after an infamous fight we stopped talking about 2 years ago.
We talked for prob a good 30-45 min and caught up on a lot. I won't go into whats happened throughout her life, but its just amazing how much time has gone past. She didn't even know the house she bought was near my parents, and my mom went into the store a few night ago to pick up a few things. At my old job, being I started working there a month after Dimon died in January 2001, I litterally went through the hardest part of my life with these people. So we always used to talk about what I would do on my *21'st bday* lol. Being me and her also share the same bday, I guess thats what got her thinking again being it is coming up really soon.
A lot of people from my past have been coming back lately, ever since seeing Jasmine at church, everyday I think is "welcome to Kelly's life, how did your friendship break apart" :) It's just great though no matter how big or small these relationships where to me, God still gives me a chance to mend them. Some people hold on to the hurt of the past, like I used to too well...but what's the point? Life is too short to do that. I know theres one teacher I need to stop running from and apoligize to. My mind would like to tell me that she isn't owed an apology, you know those situations? But I know its the right thing to do, so I just need to do it already. If I could apologize to Mrs. Laughna I can apologize to anyone lol!
Theres no point in staying mad at people, and if you do reconcile with someone, that doesn't mean you need to pick up the peices right where you left off. Maybe you where just put there to mend the situation, but if you can rebuild something off of that then be really proud. This girl told me that im still the same person I used to be, personality wise, which honestly I am glad about. If anything is gonna stay the same i'm glad its that. I told her about the adventures with all the people I've had the chance to meet and she said something that stuck.
"You never give up thats why things happen". I never really thought about it like that. I kinda just see everything as possible, so therefore there has to be a way for things to work out. I gave up on giving up. That took away too much time and life away, so I just do what I'm lead to do. Taking the chance even if the jump looks to be impossible. I've had way too many experiences to show me otherwise.
I gotta wrap this up being its time to get ready for work!, but if you want something bad enough, or want to clear up a situation that may seem "impossible" to fix just wait till the right time. You'll know when the right time is, because they'll happen to run into your family and they will in turn give out your cell phone number HAHA! But really a feeling just comes over you to contact that person that maybe you never thought of again, so just pray about it and go from there. Because of my grandmothers death, I got a chance to rebuild bridges with my family that I hardly ever saw growing up, and I got a cousin back out of the deal. Things work out for a reason. Just stop trying to figure out what that reason is, and just trust it.