I woke up about 30 min later than I wouldve liked, so therefore this morning im runnin behind...so while the laundry is goin im gonna write.
My sister found this home video of the 4 of us *me, her, my friend lillian and her brother rafe* back from the start of 2000 when we first started makin our home movies. Not even just apperance wise, but u can really see so much that was inside of us just waiting to come out. It's only 4 years ago, but in 4 years so much has happened that i can't even put words to. We where just kids, always hounded by the area police, riding bikes, chillin everyday and playin snowboard kids on nintendo 64. If we where good somehow we got in trouble by our parents, and when we where in trouble by the cops, we just got in more trouble with our parents lol. I did the whole runnin away thing all the time, and after a while you really cant run anymore.
Me and Lillian always knew that either that summer or the next years fall we would get into a fight about something, and we wouldnt talk for who knows when. No matter when we scheduled our fights, it would just blow up over something stupid and off we went. I look now, we're both born again, driving, doing things at different times at our lives....still at the same time being at the same place. I love watchin home videos not just their funny to see, but how much the people in them have changed and how dramatically.
People change, theres no if ands or buts. We say one thing, and then a few months later, things get worked a little bit.
I never thought that I would stop talking to Lillian, Greg, Trisha, to just name a few for as long as I did. The person I used to be before being born again could never do anything like that no matter how much I wanted to...I didnt have the strength, I just got used to feeling crappy. Now I know if its me taking someone out of my life for the reasons I have (in which case these people hardly if ever come back) or if God tells me to take a step back for a second so something can be fixed or worked out.
For example, Trisha has a busy schedule all the time, back then before we stopped talking I was busy but def not as much as I am now. I wouldve blew up over something stupid, said things at the time I probably wanted to say but really where just crappy, and things just couldve gotten really messy. I tried everything i could to just keep in contact, or just get rid of this uneasy feeling I had because I didnt know then what I know now. I can understand her life more because my life is similiar to that now. A break needed to take place no matter how much it hurt at the time because God needed me out of something he was doing. Instead of trusting God and putting my faith before my flesh i tried to fix something that I never could so we spent a lot of time apart. Things now have turned around and I not just respect her on another level because of that, but theres an understanding there that wasnt there before.
Another one....I never thought me and Greg would stop talking...and yes i understand the grammatical error, but its ok, its my book lol. We hung out EVERYDAY and when we werent hangin out we where on the phone talkin or the net...it was 24/7 lol. Eventually though our friendship diminshed over once again something stupid and we didnt talk for about 6 months I believe...around that. After being put in a room with each other we got stuff aired out and now everythings ok. He's dating Lillian (which im very happy about!) because I know the type of person each of them are, and it just meshes. The underlining thought tho is I've gained friendships back with these people, their not kid like friendships anymore....we've transferred over. I dont find myself getting aggrivated anymore over small things, because I know how it can be now. We've all grown up and in some areas still in the process of, but no matter what we all had a faith that things would work out.
Things that are meant to work out always do, and sometimes, well most of the time not in the time frame you have put together. It doesnt work like that. Just have faith. If you dont have it, then I dont know what to tell you...find some! No matter who I stopped talking to out of those 3 people, when that uneasyness went away, I still had faith things would work out, I just stopped focusing on it. The term best friend used to bother me a lot, because how can someone be better than someone else. I have inside jokes with all my friends, care about them all ( i wanna use emensly but dont think im spelling it right) but If I have to have a best friend, its God then. At one time those 3 people where a best friend to me but now I HAVE CLOSE FRIENDS lol, im leaving it at that. Whats great now about all 4 of us now is we all stick by God...no matter how hard it may wanna get sometimes, it doesnt. Dont put people around you that arent good not just for you, but your spirit...sooner or later it will fall apart so spare yourself the heartache. I love everyone in my life, but sometimes I love them so much that I need to let them go because I need to. Like it was said before, trust it will work out, not that you can fix it, but that God says its ok.
Thats it for now...hopefully can write again soon!
have a blessed one...
